The Church and Virginity

 A friend of mine posted the following link:
http://christianpundit.wordpress.com/2014/07/24/sexual-purity-virginity-and-celibacy-as-product-and-christian-myths-that-are-keeping-marriage-minded-single-women-single-courtesy-dannah-gresh/
and she posted this specific quote from it:

'I find it so absurd that Christians appear to have a preference for fornicators acting as role models for virgin youth (hiring them as speakers for youth groups about the importance of sexual purity), rather than getting an actual, literal, adult virgin who is over age 30, to give advice, write books on the topic, or act as speaker...What if God has no plans on sending a guy to seek a woman? Maybe it's in God's will for that woman to be single her entire life. Maybe the Judeo-Christian God is a Deist when it comes to dating and marriage and chooses not to direct a man's or woman's path about marriage? In other words, why do Christians always assume EVERYONE who wants to marry WILL end up married?'  

This is my response to her:

Let me propose a hypothesis for why that happens...

We're teaching kids in school to think through things via the scientific method - that is, to look at the evidence we know, propose a hypothesis, then test that hypothesis. In evangelical Christianity, however, (and interestingly enough, in online arguments) we (I say we, having come from that in my youth) stop at the 2nd point. We propose a hypothesis, and the only testing we do is to see whether it stands up to Biblical logic, rather than testing to see if it functions in the real world. Since we implicitly trust those we've chosen as our religious leaders, when they do the same thing and feed us their own hypotheses, we accept them and redistribute them to our friends.

Thus it is that outright lies ("the female body has a way of shutting the whole thing down") and dangerous half-truths (climate change isn't real because a tiny minority of scientists say it isn't) get repeated and reinforced as truth. Confirmation bias runs rampant.

Here are some of the assumed bases regarding love and sex of evangelical Christianity:

1. Men and women are made specifically for each other, like how Eve was crafted from Adam's own rib.
2. God always works toward a believer's best interests. Sometimes those best interests involve having the person get married. Sometimes, they involve having the person stay single.
3. Therefore, if you do get married, it's because God intended for you to, and your spouse is the person who was made specifically for you.
4. And, if you do not get married, it's because God specifically intended for you not to.
5. Whichever way it goes, it's entirely your fault it you're not happy with the lot He's given you.
6. When Adam and Eve first had sex, they became "flesh of one flesh." Their bodies and souls were forever united, regardless of whatever happened next.
7. If you have sex with someone who is not a virgin, that person's body and soul are united to someone else, meaning you are only getting a small portion, and not the whole deal.
8. A person is freed from that eternal bond only in the case that their spouse cheated on them. For some of the more accepting and enlightened (but certainly not all - there are countless stories to the contrary), there are additional reasons why a person might be restored: 
1. The person was raped (they didn't give themselves willingly, ergo their body and soul is still intact; note that some people still consider this the fault of the victim, absurd though that may be - such people would not consider it a reason to consider the person a "Spiritual Virgin") 
2. The person's spouse was abusive (the belief that God would not want a person to stay in an abusive relationship, even if the abuser was not cheating - the abuse is considered the same violation of the bond as cheating is) 
3. The person goes through "revirginification" ... that is, repents for the actions, seeks God, and becomes pure until marriage again.

Unfortunately, it has these theoretically-unintended consequences (at least, it did in my own case):

1. You believe that there is someone out there for you, unless God has meant you to be single. But, since "single" is something that is slowly revealed over time, and "not single" is something that could happen at any moment, you continually hold out hope that you'll meet this person.
2. You believe that the person is a virgin. Because surely God would not make your soul-mate a person who can't keep it in his/her pants.
3. You become, as I was, a pretentious little douchebag who thinks the world owes him/her a spouse who is a virgin and you disregard everything that comes along until you find that, no matter how good it might be.