As a child, I experienced gender dysphoria. That's the DSM-5 word for when the gender in your mind doesn't match the gender of your genitalia, and it's a fairly common problem for children, moreso than for adults - as many as 6% of boys and 12% of girls may experience it.
Most also outgrow it.
In my own case, my "outgrowing" it took a rather convoluted path. When I was a very young child (under 10), I used to sneak into my mom's room when my parents were busy entertaining guests or what have you, when I was fairly certain I could get away with it, and put on my mom's clothes. I preferred to play games with girls, was better friends with girls, and enjoyed playing with stereotypically girls' toys (My Little Pony long before "bronies" were a thing).
My sexuality, however, was always straight. I was 5 when I had my first sexual encounter with a girl, and I absolutely loved it. My pursuit of further encounters pretty much dominated my life until... well, let's face it, it still dominates my life.
My mom caught me more than once playing dress up, and punished me for it. She drilled into my head this passage:
A woman must not wear men’s clothing, nor a man wear women’s clothing, for the Lord your God detests anyone who does this. (Deuteronomy 22:5)Eventually, I gave it up, partially over shame about that passage and my desire to serve God. I became convinced that men who dressed up in women's clothing were silly at best (and deserved to be ridiculed), weird, and blasphemous. As with so many other people, I took to shaming them. Now, I've fully embraced my masculinity, and any dysphoria I felt during childhood is long gone (although as with many other people I don't fully conform to masculine ideals, I conform to more of them than to feminine ones).
But, it was largely this one verse that pushed the issue when I was a child.
Now, it'd be easy to write this off, as so many do with the debate over homosexuality, as a person cherry-picking the Bible, picking the things that back up their beliefs and ignoring the things that don't. In that argument, people note how there are prohibitions about mixing fabrics, about eating shellfish, and so on. But understand that among many in the Fundamentalist movement, even those things are bad. I didn't eat shellfish until I was in my 20s. I believed that getting a tattoo was evil. I believed that those who committed adultery should be executed. I believed that women should be silent in church.
As a result, it's not so easy to just write this off as people cherry-picking, because for many people, it's not. Even among those who do (I still mixed fabrics, for instance), it takes a supreme amount of effort to justify any deviation from the laws of Moses. Generally speaking, those deviations took the form of, "that was appropriate for the ancient church because the laws were simply protecting the people from mold" or "that was appropriate for the Jews because they were set apart for God and thus were the image of God on Earth to the gentile peoples; they needed to look perfect."
But these weren't arguments applied after someone already believed the opposite; that is, for those who believed in not blending fabrics, that was an important part of their faith, a defining factor of how they worshiped God. No amount of argumentation could get them past that. These arguments were, instead, apologies (from the definition: "a reasoned argument or writing in justification of something, typically a theory or religious doctrine") for deviations from a "literal" interpretation of the Bible that we already believed.
Such arguments could, of course, be applied to homosexuality and gender identity, but because they aren't already believed, they are fighting against the mountain that is "sincerely held belief" - a shortcut for saying "I believe this and no amount of argument or education will move me from that belief." Showing people how they make similar apologies for other things might work, but often doesn't, because they can then make an apology for why a certain one is followed and another is not. Cognitive Dissonance kicks in whenever people are faced with idiosyncrasies within their own beliefs, and prevents them from exploring those idiosyncrasies.
Is the situation impossible?
Well, not exactly. One of the things we do in our society is bury non-conformity. That's not an illness of civilization, but rather our particular culture. As our culture shifts and embraces non-conformity, more things pop up that will make people uncomfortable. But the key, always, is exposure - the more people are exposed to such non-conformity, the more open and accepting they are of it, especially as it relates to relationships. A person who is friends with someone who is gay, for instance, is more likely to internalize the conflicts their friend experiences, and to transition from attacking homosexuals as a group to defending them. As that transition progresses, they will be faced with new moments of cognitive dissonance between their new beliefs and their old beliefs, and be forced to reevaluate their old ones and modify to fit their new ones. That's how change occurs. The secret, then, is to share people's stories - both in public and in private. When people read someone's story or hear it told first hand, it's often easier for those people to internalize the emotions of the other person. It's easier for them to understand.
I'm working on a new book about the issue at the moment. I won't share more for fear of not writing it (when you tell people about something you're working on, your brain thinks you've finished it). But, the more stories we can tell, the more we'll slowly force people to confront their beliefs, and change them.
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